*~She's A Faerie With Broken Wings~*

I’ve been told by a great friend, a certain red head, that it might be a good idea to start writing a journal, document the way I feel, and as an end result, alleviate myself of the pent up emotions and frustrations I have with myself.  I’ve determined that I am too lazy to actually pick up a pen, so I’ll be doing so electronically. 

*****YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ MY POSTS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO! THIS IS NOT HERE TO PISS PEOPLE OFF, BUT RATHER TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!*****

Today, I feel like writing. I want to write about the people that I love.  There are people out there, believe it or not, that have changed my life.  I have been twisted and pulled into so many different directions, been easily influenced, and have been other people’s “rocks” for as long as I can remember.  Call me selfish, or anything really, but I feel like it’s my turn to have a “rock” in my life. Though, I know I have an amazing group of close friends, and an even better family (the family part has taken me 24 years to realize), I feel like I am missing that one significant person in my life.

Up until recently, I had the best friend someone could ever dream of.  She is the most beautiful, intelligent and strong woman that I had ever met.  I was beyond selfish with this friendship and I took her for granted while she was in my life.  I made my mistakes, and have owned up to them the best I could, but it has yet to make a difference.  It probably wont ever make a difference.  She has decided that it is best for her to not have me in her life, and though it hurts, I support her decision from a far.  I have no other choice but to do so.

On to the next of the twisted and somewhat manipulative friendships or relationships in my life. “Him.” “He” can be classified under both of those categories.  Those of you super close to me know who “he” is, and to keep with the method of leaving out names, this is what I will be calling “him.”  This man, who has recently proven himself to be a man and no longer a boy, was the next best thing to sliced bread in my world. I guess that’s what happens when feelings evolve for the person who you consider the closest male figure, other than family, in your life.  He has walked me through potential crisis’ in my life, taken me for drives to clear my head, and has let me use his family as my own, somewhat to a fault.  I, after almost 5 years, realize that I value our friendship over any immature and childish feelings I may have developed over that period of time. I suck at showing it sometimes, but this is how it needs to be…. for multiple reasons.

The last person I’ll write about tonight is my mother.  For every day that I lived under her roof, I couldn’t have wanted to do anything in my power to get out.  We fought, to a somewhat physical extent, but most of the damage was emotional and mental.  I hated how much we were alike for as long as I can remember, until recently, when I decided to embrace it.  There are far worse people in this world to end up like, I figure I’m lucky being like her.  She is my everything, and I am glad that after the years of butting heads, screaming, and losing our minds, that we are developing a friendship on top of the mother/daughter relationship.  My mom is an amazing woman, and I don’t know where I would be without her and her strengths. 

Now that I read back what has been flowing out of my fingertips, the “magic” as Charlie Sheen says, I realize that I have a better grasp on my reality than I had initially thought when starting this blog.  Sometimes it’s good to get it out.

Now, I am an open book, so comment where you like. I value your opinions.  Mine comes first, but I do value your thoughts.